Walking

I did something out of the ordinary from my little rut that I have ground myself into. It is going to sound silly but I went for a walk, just for the absolute hell of it. It’s normally something I do with friends and so very rarely alone. Due to the lovely weather recently I’ve been out to different places, sat in the sunshine and don’t get me wrong, thoroughly enjoyed the company I was with but it’s very random for me to do it on my own and not feel like some sort of social pariah (a possible overstatement but I’m naturally a very sociable person).

I found myself sitting a park bench overlooking the park and suddenly realising that I was very alone, as for all my current spare time and even time spent alone I attempt to ‘busy’ myself, my photographs, tweet deck, facebook even this blog they’re all just distractions, things to busy my brain so I don’t entirely go and break the delicate line between my strange sanity and a despairing insanity, and yet somehow the realisation of this still confused me and in my haste I tweeted, feeling a odd warmth of a connection to the world again when all I thought I wanted to do was to be alone.

I only must have sat on that park bench for all of 15 minutes watching as people went about their lives. Parents played with children, dogs chased thrown sticks and people walked purposefully towards a goal unknown to me. I was passed by without a passing glance or a lingering thought. I wasn’t a username or a reference number, I wasn’t categorised or pigeonholed, labelled for all to see and for a brief moment I was grateful for that, for my moment and for the beauty of my surroundings and because I took the step and broke the cycle.
Here I am again though, back home, in my comfy spot in the corner of my sofa with my laptop balanced on my knee but I thought I would write this before I fell back into my distractions, before I opened up a world of social networking and Photoshop use.

It’s ok to walk alone.