Rural Acrobatics

todays little surprise on what turned out to be a really lovely walk between Chester Green and Darley Abbey.

As I take the deepest breath

so here i was sitting
thinking ponderous solutions
thoughts of a practical nature
strategems and conquerings
life and love lost
time gained
fights i have won and those defeated
bitterness everlasting
a distaste beyond
those who do not understand
the emotions that bind
entwine and suffocate
all to take a breath
sweet enough to numb the senses
dull for eternity
the end to all

A consideration of mortality

From todays walk

Walking

I did something out of the ordinary from my little rut that I have ground myself into. It is going to sound silly but I went for a walk, just for the absolute hell of it. It’s normally something I do with friends and so very rarely alone. Due to the lovely weather recently I’ve been out to different places, sat in the sunshine and don’t get me wrong, thoroughly enjoyed the company I was with but it’s very random for me to do it on my own and not feel like some sort of social pariah (a possible overstatement but I’m naturally a very sociable person).

I found myself sitting a park bench overlooking the park and suddenly realising that I was very alone, as for all my current spare time and even time spent alone I attempt to ‘busy’ myself, my photographs, tweet deck, facebook even this blog they’re all just distractions, things to busy my brain so I don’t entirely go and break the delicate line between my strange sanity and a despairing insanity, and yet somehow the realisation of this still confused me and in my haste I tweeted, feeling a odd warmth of a connection to the world again when all I thought I wanted to do was to be alone.

I only must have sat on that park bench for all of 15 minutes watching as people went about their lives. Parents played with children, dogs chased thrown sticks and people walked purposefully towards a goal unknown to me. I was passed by without a passing glance or a lingering thought. I wasn’t a username or a reference number, I wasn’t categorised or pigeonholed, labelled for all to see and for a brief moment I was grateful for that, for my moment and for the beauty of my surroundings and because I took the step and broke the cycle.
Here I am again though, back home, in my comfy spot in the corner of my sofa with my laptop balanced on my knee but I thought I would write this before I fell back into my distractions, before I opened up a world of social networking and Photoshop use.

It’s ok to walk alone.